THIS MOTHER-IN-LAW

"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." - Gen 2:24


It is very possible for a man to leave his father, but most men will never leave their mother. Though they gain independence and move into their own apartments, most of them will always measure their wife's capabilities by their mother's. For some men, taking a wife will only be subject to their mother's approval - if the mother says no - then it will be a no for the lady. Sometimes, a woman has to continually live under the pressure of becoming like her mother-in-law; and this may just be selfish from the man.


So, king Jehoram of Judah decided to take as a wife, the daughter of the Jezebel (2Kings 8:18). Sometimes what your wife will be in future is what your mother-in-law is now, the scripture tells us that when he took the daughter of Ahab - he did evil in the sight of the Lord. It is difficult to cut the ties of a family completely.


The world is becoming increasingly perverse and I do not think it is out of place to also state here that there are limits to sexual relations one should have with his or her in-law (Lev 18). It is important to understand that the Apostle admonished us to treat older women as mothers with all purity. It is possible that a mother-in-law is attractive, but the young man must deal with her as a mother with purity. It is devilish to sleep with ones mother - sleeping with ones mother-in-law is sleeping with ones mother.


I am not too sure why I am writing this piece - but I know that the scriptures cuts across everyone. The man and woman must take very seriously the dictates of the scriptures, not just leaving their father and mother's house - they must leave with their future in mind. If one leaves a thing or a place - there should be a mental picture of the destination. Though it may be difficult a man too should identify what he sees in his mother and does not want in his wife. 


WHEN THE MOTHER-IN-LAW IS LATE
"Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife, and he loved her. So Isaac was comforted after his mother's death." - Gen 24:67


Some women may just be happy that their husband's mother is already dead before they got married to their husbands, but it is wise for you to know that, though the mother-in-law's body may be six feet beneath the ground, the memories of her may still be fresh in his mind. Though there may not be an old woman poking into your business, but if she was loving and good, your husband may expect you to be so.


By my calculation, it was already four years after Sarah died that Isaac got married to Rebekah, yet until Rebekah surpassed Sarah, he wasn't comforted of her death. The man at certain times would want to take his wife into his mother's tent, if you are that woman who is untrained and very loosed in morals and all, the man will put pressure on you. Though it may be selfish to expect your wife to be like your mother - the wife herself must be good enough for the man to 'forget' his mother.


Before Rebekah left her house, one of the prayers her family prayed for her - was that she becomes a mother of thousands of ten thousands. It is instructive for the woman to know that even if you fail in becoming that sexy wife, you shouldn't fail in becoming a mother to your husband - a man needs it. Do you think it is for fun when the scripture say that the man should be satisfied with his wife's breast. You should be a mother to him.


"When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me, and said to me: 'Let your heart retain my words; keep my commands, and live.'" - Prov 4:3-4


In the midst of the father's wisdom, Solomon could remember that it was in the arms of his mother that these discipline were imparted. The man became a man by the instruction of his father but securely in the arms of his mother - and though that woman is dead and buried, the man will always recall. Therefore, if you just wish to be a wife and not a mother - be ready then to see your resurrected mother-in-law.


The mother is dead to you but not to him, until you play the role of a mother, he will not be comforted of his mother's death. It is not his fault, he wants to leave her dead - but when there is no other mother to cleave to - he won't bury his dead. If you grow to become a woman of grace, the man will bless God for you, and though no one will discard his mother's memory, yet he will be happy to have a new mother.


I may not be able to describe what it is to have a mother in-law because I have never been a son in-law (at least not yet); but wisdom is not always a matter of experience. Let the dead woman be dead if only you will also take up the role of a mother. It is possible - every woman should not just think of becoming a wife - and being a mother is beyond bearing children - motherhood is a status that soothes the entire universe. Let your husband be comforted about his late mother.


THE GRIEVED MOTHER-IN-LAW
"When Esau was forty years old, he took wives Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Basemath the daughter of Elon the Hittite. And they were a grief of mind to Isaac and Rebekah." - Gen 26:34-35


Though you want an independent life with your new wife, yet you don't expect your family not to be concerned about the wife you want to marry or have married. They may not meddle in your affairs but when they think about how you are faring - they would be happy that you are happy. The truth of the matter is; I do not think that that Isaac and Rebekah were grieved because the wives were giving them hell, but I think they were grieved because of what their son is turning into after marrying these women.


Some men have married women who turned their lives into constant negative, the man no longer yearns for God and is on a decline in his life - what do you expect your mother-in-law to do? She will be grieved seeing that the 'man' she has laboured all her life to see you become - is becoming a reckless 'child' in the hand of a 'new mother'. Your mother in-law may sometimes be correct with the way your husband's life is going; he who manages and was content has turned to a borrower just because his wife refused to be satisfied with the labour of her husband.


Of course, it will not always be an issue with the woman that was married, sometimes the man himself may be the person who brings calamity on himself - Esau was of course frustrated after missing the blessings for him, he was bitter and angry, he wanted revenge - when he couldn't get Jacob - he decided to become a polygamous man. His parents were not so - of course his mother would be grieved.


"Then his father and mother said to him, 'Is there no woman among the daughters of your brethren, or among all my people, that you must go and get a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines?' And Samson said to his father, 'Get her for me, for she pleases me well.'" - Judges 14:3


Though it is you that wants to get married but your mother will and should care about your welfare, if her son becomes lost just because he married a woman - she would be grieved. You will distort and scatter the heritage of the family. How can one's parent be alive and yet be grieved over the life of their child.


It was because of what the wives of Esau were, that made Isaac and Rebekah insist that Jacob shouldn't marry in the land of Canaan. Are you a born again child of God, yet the bad character that your community is known for has not passed away in your life? Of course your new status in Christ should help clear the bias people will have about your tribe, but if that has not passed away - it is not just your in-laws that would grieve, even we members of the faith will grieve.


Esau didn't stop there, he wanted to please his father - so he married another wife in addition to the two. Esau got it all wrong - he married for the wrong reasons. He didn't know that if he was progressing and was happy - his mother would be happy, but he got it all wrong he was foolishly getting married as if it was his mother that was living with the women. If you are better than you were inwardly and outwardly - your mother will not grieve.


THE BLESSED MOTHER-IN-LAW
"But Ruth said: 'Entreat me not to leave you, or to turn back from following after you; for wherever you go, I will go; and wherever you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God, my God. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. The LORD do so to me, and more also, if anything but death parts you and me.'" - Ruth 1:16-17


It is possible to have a relationship as that of Ruth and Naomi, it is possible that a daughter-in-law loves her mother-in-law so much that they become inseparable except by death. This woman Naomi was more than a mother-in-law she was a mother even to Ruth, even after Ruth lost her husband, this woman clung to her new mother. I see a situation where Mr Elimelech jnr transferred aggression from work to his wife and Ruth would always find succour in her mother-in-law's arm.


It is also of note to point to us that Ruth never bore a child for her husband who was Naomi's son, yet this Naomi was never on the neck of Ruth, she was not advising her son to marry another. This and many more would have made Ruth clung to her mother-in-law. Don't say it doesn't concern you, all women are most certainly going to be a wife and a mother-in-law someday - even if you are dead before your son gets married - your influence will be alive in him.


It is possible for a man to marry someone who isn't so much of a believer, or not even a believer at all, at this point if she cannot see the family's God as her God maybe because the mother-in-law never accepted her - then there is a problem with the salvation of the mother-in-law. The woman will do well to know that her son has married this one and she will only be blessed if that wife sees your God as her God.


"Now when Jesus had come into Peter's house, He saw his wife's mother lying sick with a fever. So he touched her hand, and the fever left her. And she arose and served them." - Matt 8:14-15


Jesus only touched that woman, only a touch and she was healed. This woman was so blessed that Peter had Jesus as his master, this woman was so blessed that she could tap divine healing from Jesus whom Peter had known - this woman encountered Jesus and served Jesus because Peter brought Jesus home. Is it the stench of alcohol that you bring home all the time? Is it fear that comes to the mind of your extended family when they are in your house?


Your mother-in-law is blessed if she has found Jesus in you, she will also esteem you high if she benefits from this your God. Stop playing 'man' because you paid your inlaws some about of money as bride price - that money is now devalued, your worth is now valued by the 'man' you are. What they want from you is to tap into the resource of divinity inside of you. She will respect you if God is real in you.


CONCLUSION:
You can't divorce family, your mother-in-law is a part of your family - though she is not married to you but she can reflect the state of your matrimony.


All scripture is given by the inspiration of God and it is profitable....
Let this word profit you.


God bless you and I love you
Akinsuroju Femi
© The Fundamentals